I really like the Spanish word for Goodbye. “Hasta-La-Vista”. It can be literally translated as “Until the next sighting”. In simple terms, “See you again”. I always used to wonder where is “Good” in “Goodbye” until I came across this beautiful word that eliminates the feeling of permanence.
Over a year ago I moved to Mangalore (Karnataka, India) to join Infosys. This time period has been a bumpy ride, full of ups and downs with innumerable experiences to share. Living on your own for the first time in a foreign place takes a lot of energy, a lot of guts, and a lot of determination; but it’s worth it. On the other hand, it’s important to know when to stay and when to go. I used to hear people say that you just know when it is time to go home. I felt that change in myself. My gut told me that it was time.
So, the decision was made. Of course the people back home in Delhi were thrilled but my friends in Mangalore (My family away from family) were not as pleased. Preparations were done in no time and then started the difficult process of saying goodbyes. It is one exhausting process where you have to deal with all the emotions and there are a lot of them. Hence I decided to take every goodbye as a prolonged ‘See You Later’.
I was doing quite well until I attended the last dinner party with my friends – The Last weekend dinner! They were my first new friends in that place. That dinner reminded me of the first party that they had organized for me last year on my Birthday. I realized that it was the last one we’d have just like that, with all of us in the same place and the same level of freedom and the same open future ahead of us. I would come back some day, yes, but nothing would be quite the same. It gave me a mixed feeling of lightness and sadness. But as we all crave for a closure, saying an adequate goodbye is part of the process of properly leaving a place. When the party was over, I walked as slowly as possible to the door, counting every step to see how long I could make the exit last. And while I knew, on some level, it was a permanent one; I thought it better to assume that I would see all of them again, even in the same room. Life looked way better when I imagined that the next reunion is round the corner.
In midst of all this, I realized an important thing. Between packing stuff, meeting people and doing travel arrangements, I had completely forgotten about someone very important. He kept on calling me to seek my attention but I was too busy to simply ignore. I remembered the time in all these months when I used to sit beside him and talk. He inspired me to write more, to love more, to be patient, to forgive and to evolve. I learned to have boundaries and self worth. They say that the amazing thing about love is that there is no getting it back once you give it away. He taught me to let go of the part of myself that I lost to love. One thought followed another and in no time I decided to ask for a date. My First Date on The Last Day.
I am talking about my Inner Self – My Soul.
I went out for a brisk walk in the drizzling rain. Mangalore looked appealing as I spent my last few hours in the city with myself. Sandwich Uncle joint was the first stop followed by the all time favorite Pabba’s ice cream parlor. I enjoyed that ice cream the most while spending time with me. I got the realization that when we are saying goodbye to someone, we’re not just talking to them, we’re talking to the person that we are at this very moment. We know, even if we don’t want to admit it, that we will never be in this exact same spot again and we will never see the world the same way. But I did not want to lose myself to this realization. My inner-self is what defines me. Hence I proposed a life-long relationship. I promised to satisfy all the dreams, answer all the questions and make my soul happy.
My first date on the last day of Mangalore came as a new turning point of my life. I have been dating myself for a while now and it is going very well. I am considerate to my feelings more than anyone else could ever be. I am considerate to my feelings more than anyone else could ever be. I am just going to say that my inner self is my one true soul mate; I want to grow old with. I think I’m the one!